Familyversary

Familyversary-noun

1: The anniversary of the day our family was legally formed: April 3, 2006. 



I've posted previously a letter to my daughter wherein I advised her to "go forth and break it." I firmly believe that the best way to learn and grow in this life is to break it and fix it better than it was before.

I recently took a 17 day road-trip with my kids. Our worlds were collectively turned on their heads shortly before we left.

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The original plan of the trip was designed from a couple of different ideas. Firstly, there was an unschooling conference taking place in New Hampshire on the first week of April. The trip was born out of a desire to attend this conference. When I realized what part of the country we'd be in, that we'd be taking a road-trip as we love to do, I decided a three week vacation and visiting two destinations that were on my bucket list was the thing to do. In the post, "Remembrance," I indicated why it was a lifelong dream to visit New York City. The other destination, Niagara Falls, Canada was on my bucket list specifically to take the kids to. I visited Niagara Falls twice as a child and had always wanted to return and share the magic I felt as a child with my children.

As we planned this trip, another family whom we were very close to decided to join us for the last two thirds. They were already planning to attend the conference and we decided to share space for that and then travel to Niagara together. As we planned and created together, we each became more and more excited. For us, this trip was all about family and we considered this other group a part of our family.

And then things went to shit. An ongoing breakdown of communication quickly drove a wedge between us to the point where they decided not to join us on the trip. We were in shock and we were broken. I have long taught my children (and believe myself) that good communication can fix pretty much anything.

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Determined not to let this breakdown break us down, we took our trip anyway. Without the other family joining us, we could no longer afford to attend the conference, because shared expenses there had become part of our budget.

We realized this made us free. Freer with our money--as the expenses for the conference were pretty hefty, even shared--and freer with our time. We no longer had a schedule to meet other than being back in time to start work again. With that, we hit the road, a day later than we intended, but we didn't care, we had no schedule.

We headed to Florida first, to see another family we love and that we've missed since we and they left Austin. We spent a couple days hanging with them, reveling in what it is to be family. Next, we went to Georgia and spent the night with the grandparents of one of our members. From there, we went to Virginia to see Washington, D.C. and where we visited with another family we hadn't seen in years. The family theme followed us. And we were happy during the day, enjoying ourselves, but we were suffering.

It started to become apparent during the day, we started snapping at one another and having little arguments. We went to New York City and became absolutely overwhelmed by the stimulation of Times Square. We avoided Times Square for the remainder of our visit there, but the breakdown was becoming more and more apparent.

And then it came: the day we left New York City to head for Salem, Massachusetts...the destination the children had added because it is one of their very favorite places to visit...and the most momentous day of our trip, our Familyversary; our family friends decided they wouldn't be friends with us at all anymore. We stopped at a rest stop and cried and talked and bitched and cried some more.

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We arrived to Salem somber but more determined than before. We found that our favorite restaurant in the United States (and the one we'd been looking forward to having dinner at for our Familyversary) was closed. We went to Cheesecake Factory instead and enjoyed ourselves an indulgent meal.

Without pomp, without announcement, without anything but a silent, collective understanding of our world, we went to bed on our Familyversary and woke up the next morning a new family. We went into Salem and had the best day of our entire trip to that point. We laughed, we played, we stared at the ocean and meditated. Our worlds were changed and we knew it.

Over the next several days conversation flowed. We each, in turn, talked about what was important to us in our lives. What our goals are, how we interact, where we're going, how we can support ourselves and each other. We contemplated and talked some more.

We went to Niagara Falls and fell in love. With ourselves, with each other, with beauty and nature and the world as it is and how we envision it could be.

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We've been home for about five days now and we've reveled in our lives, together and separate, and we stand at the precipice, ready to jump to the next stage of our lives. So collectively, we close our eyes and leap into the boundlessness that is our world.

We didn't do the breaking, but you can be damn sure we fixed it better than it was before.