Who I AM...only the strong need apply

Recent major changes to my relationships have forced me into very serious considerations of myself and my life. I was beginning to contemplate myself, where I'm going, what I'm doing, but this shock forced me to take a cold hard look at me.

Probably the biggest realization I had was over dinner the other night and this one was a slap in the face. I had--for the third time in as many years--gotten myself into a situation where I was working so hard to help someone else grow that I was not growing myself. Now, that's not AT ALL, but my growth was slowed and it was only coming in spurts, because I had so much of my energy and attention focused elsewhere. This is an easy trap for me to fall into, because who I AM is someone who helps others. Helps others to grow, to love, to see the world from a perspective that just feels good.

Let's break this down: Who I AM, who I BE, the path that I'm on, the one that feels yucky to stray from, is to change the world. To-through my love and light-show people there's a different way of living. Life doesn't have to proceed the way you were taught. It doesn't have to go the way society tells you it ought to.

It is perfectly okay to love yourself, your spouse, your children, your friends, your family, and everyone you know in a whole, complete, and unabashed manner.

It is perfectly okay to pursue whatever lights you on fire, no matter how much money you make at it and no matter what society at large thinks of you for pursuing it.

It is perfectly okay to be happy, live your life out loud, do a happy dance when something lights you up, to take joy in the little things just as much as--if not more than--the big things.

And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing there that needs to change, because that's just WHO I AM.

But. There is something that needs to change.


Because of my perspective, because I live against the societal grain, because I've always thought and seen the world this way, I've become a very strong person. One of the strongest people I know. In fact, for the longest time, I WAS the strongest person I knew, there was no one that came close by a wide margin.

Now? I know two people who are just as strong as I am. One who I'm certain is stronger. Both of these are my partners.

And this is what I've discovered needs to change. The trap I've fallen into multiple times is attempting to have as a partner someone whose strength is much less than my own. When attempting to partner with someone who is not on par with you in any aspect, tensions can arise. We're all adults here so tensions don't have to mean that a relationship is unsustainable.

But for me, the person who is strong and loves to help others; well, I tend to get myself into situations that require a lot of strength. For me, in partnerships, only the strong need apply. It's like the adage, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

This girl generates a lot of heat--so folks with fainting spells just don't belong in my kitchen.

That being said, because I am who I am: I will continue to love and assist in the growth of those who can't stand to be in my kitchen. I have many wonderful friends who for one reason or another will never be in my kitchen, but that doesn't mean that I don't love, honor, and respect who they are.